My boyfriend stopped doing kind gestures because he says I don’t deserve them.

So my boyfriend (37M) and I (31F) have been together for about 2 years. In the beginning of our relationship he use to buy me flowers, open doors, open my car door for me, help with little things I needed done but doesn't do them anymore. I asked him why because it started to bother me and made me feel insecure or that I was doing something wrong for him to change. He said that I don't appreciate them and doesn't feel that I deserve them.

This threw me off because I always say thank you and I am always saying how grateful I am. I never expected these things from anyone as I have always been very hyper independent as I am a single mom of a 12 year old and have no choice but to make sure I take care of everything. So when my boyfriend came along and did those little nice gestures for me it felt good and made me feel good. So the other night he opened the car door for me and I told him that made me feel really good because he hasn't done that in a long time, he told me that he doesn't mind doing things for me when I deserve them. This made me feel worse all over again. Idk what I'm doing to "not deserve" them to be done. He doesn't buy me flowers anymore either. And when I ask what lam doing to make him feel I don't appreciate these things his response is "I don't know it's just a feeling I get that you don't appreciate it and I have a right to feel this way" I feel that this has something to do with him and maybe his own insecurities? I don’t feel like I am doing anything different and when I try to communicate with him to see what makes him feel this way because I love him and do not want him to feel this way at all he gives me that same response.

The next morning he told me that that is just how anything in life is you don't get them or they don't get done if you don't deserve it and that that is normal and I need to understand I won’t get what I don’t deserve. I am so thrown off and this makes me feel sad and insecure idk. I literally do so many things on my own and he just seem to care like he use to. I am independent I do everything for myself and my son. I pay my own bills, rent, anything my car needs done to it I work on the car myself. I just am confused of how hateful he has seem to gotten to not do the little nice gestures he used to do it makes me feel like I am not good enough or what he wants anymore. It kind of seems spiteful like he wants me to feel insecure. Is this a normal thing that people do in relationships, am I overthinking this?

TL;DR my boyfriend will only do things when he says I deserve it Add a comment