I’m ready to end it

Not my life lol but the ties with my family. I’m just…done? Maybe it’s my PPD talking idk but my son’s first birthday is coming up and I’ve been thinking hard about how I want to celebrate it. With family or no family? I’m leaning towards no family because, for once, I don’t want to make anymore trips. They’re only 2hrs away, but I was the one always making the trip. No one has came down here to see and my son not once.

Yet I’m only 2hrs away. And everyone has made an excuse as to why they haven’t came down, but I’m seeing one person go to FL which is an 9hr drive, another go 7hrs across the state to go pick up another family member, another one taking 4hr drives back and forth to hang out with their friends. But no one, I mean no one, can’t take exactly an hour and 45mins out their day to come see us?

My cousin, who I’m very close to, said it to my face that she didn’t want to come pick us up while her own bsf was excited to come do it. Now, I don’t want to ask anybody to come. And it breaks my heart. Because I’ve dreamt of celebrating my future kids birthday with everyone around…but it’s just going to be an empty room with just me and him. With nothing. Nobody else.

Maybe I’m looking too deep into it, but I’ve really been the only putting in the effort to see my family, even when I had little to no money. I didn’t have a job FOR THE LONGEST and STILL made it up there. But they can’t do the same. And I’m tired of being disappointed by them. All of them want to claim they’re the ‘black sheep’ of the family, but guess who gets singled out everytime? Guess who gets left behind? Guess who tries to keep it sane within the family but gets ridiculed for it? Guess. Me. Now my son.

This is why I regret a little about having my son because I knew this would happen if I was to ever have a kid. Now it’s turning into a reality and I don’t know to come to terms with it.