How did you find the light

i feel like a lot of people like most of you have found some higher power that made u say im done and are doing so much better. i feel like i never coukd find that or even understand it im just stuck in a repeat cycle of lying to myself and pushing quitting to the side i know i have so much potential but my addictions my whole life tell me im better using which i know is bs deep down its just so annoying that i cant fully see that taking a substance is not life and im not living .