Kratom wasn’t helping me anymore. I’m going to find something that does. Join me?

I used kratom to self medicate my chronic fatigue, extreme executive dysfunction/add, and treatment resistant depression. I think I’ve probably been using for 2 years on and off now. I would say never more than 15-20 gpd.

Past two to three months I started ramping up the dose a little and nothing changed. I realized all of the problems that I was using kratom to solve were STILL FUCKING THERE/no longer managed. My functioning was at the bare minimum (as usual). So I stopped taking it… I honestly didn’t think much of it. Around the same time I stopped using ZYNS for the same reason.

Well, I had FREQUENT diarrhea (5-10x a day, maybe more), stomach pains, no appetite, cramps, and strange colored stool for a week+ before I decided on a quick taper. I did 2-3 gpd or less for a week or two. It still sucked but less. Imodium, yogurt, and ensure.

It’s been over a month now and I’m in emotional hell. I feel like a dying animal, full of dread and panic. I’m hit by crying spells that last for hours. Even though I was barely functional, I was functional before. Now I’m disabled by definition. I don’t know how much of this is PAWS and how much is my original conditions unmasked.

I’m in the process of acquiring a FMLA and short-term disability through my employer. FMLA is unpaid but your job is protected while you recover. Short term disability is even better because you’ll get 50% of your pay for up to 90 days. There are docs online who will listen and help you fill out the paperwork. If you need help finding one, PM me.

I have 90 days to become functional again. It seems fucking daunting. I am going to find a PCP, therapist, psychiatrist and probably even more specialists to get myself to the level of functioning I have been craving for years. I’m going to see a dentist and an eye doctor. And if it doesn’t work, if I cannot conquer my nearly lifelong symptoms, I will work on accepting that I’m disabled. I intend to update you all with my progress.

Here is the level of functioning I’m striving for: - enough energy/drive to leave the house for occasional dates/outings - Able to maintain relationships and possibly create new ones - provide exceptional care to my dog through habitual walks, training, vet appointments - maintain personal hygiene - pursue hobbies and the things that make me happy OFTEN - stay on top of household responsibilities, chores - eat and cook meals - maintain a job and hopefully work towards a career through a program or job change - conquer other responsibilities like appointments