I Miss Him

I don't necessarily miss him as a partner, I miss his friendship.

We've been friends for 17 years and decided to take it further. For the first 2 years of our... situation(?), everything was great. We leaned on each other, told each other everything, supported each other, etc.

Then he got stressed out this September. Then he couldn't get his SSRIs for 2 weeks in October.

Now, getting him to respond is like pulling teeth. He says he doesn't want to disappoint me by not wanting to see anyone. He said he doesn't see how he could benefit someone by being in a relationship with them. He says he can't be with me because he's a homebody and I like to go out and do things. He won't lean on me for support because he doesn't want to stress me out when I'm starting a new job, despite the fact that him not talking to me is stressing me out way more than if he were literally dumping all of his problems/trauma on me.

I look at our old texts where he said he wanted to kiss me in the neon-lit alleys of Tokyo, the dumb inside jokes, the support, the gifs, and I wonder if that man will ever come back.

I want my best friend back, depression stole him from me. I don't even need a romantic relationship with him, I just want my friend.