Focusing too much on the idea that life is meaningless 😕😔

I try to stay as positive as possible, but I know that life is ultimately meaningless. It just leaves me with a hole in my heart, and I know that nothing amounts to anything. I have felt like this for some time now, probably since I was like 9 years in age. I am really depressed, and every day gets a little bit worse. No amount of therapy or pills will make me feel better. I am in the deepest part of the gutter and know life truly has no purpose at all; I do not know how people can keep living and ignoring this fact.