i wish she stopped talking to me..

I've been crushing on this girl for over a year now. A month ago, I gathered all the courage I possibly could to confess my feelings to her. As expected, I got rejected. But then she asked me, "Do you think we can stay friends?" and I said, "Sure." (I shouldn’t have, I know.)

What should I have said at that moment? If I had said "No," she might have felt betrayed, like I was only friends with her because I saw a potential girlfriend in her—which isn’t true at all. We were friends first, and gradually, I fell for her. I have other female friends too, but I never felt this way about anyone else.

Now, after the rejection, we’re still talking normally. She acts like nothing ever happened. Every day, I promise myself, "I’ll dry text her if she texts me first, and I won’t send a message on my own." But I fail every time. The moment I receive a text from her, I forget everything—I forget all the promises I made to myself. I text her back as if it's the most important thing I do all day, all while grinning like an idiot.

Even though she already rejected me, I can’t move on. It feels suffocating, man. I wish it didn’t feel like hell. I wish she’d stop talking to me. But I can’t stop talking to her either—because it just feels so good just talking to her.

I’m beyond recovery now...