Shy girl and Extrovert Man
I’m a 22-year-old girl from Pakistan, and life has thrown me into a situation I never thought I’d have to deal with so soon. I’m still in university and will graduate next year, Insha’Allah. Like many girls here, I have always known that marriage would be part of my life at some point, but I didn’t think it would come up this early.
A few weeks ago, my ammi and abu told me they found a rishta for me. The guy, let’s call him Ahsan, is 26 years old, has a stable job (masha’Allah he’s earning well), and belongs to a decent family. They seem very nice, too. But there’s a catch.
I’m the shyest person you’ll ever meet. Like, seriously shy. I hate public speaking, avoid eye contact, and struggle with small talk even with extended family. On the other hand, Ahsan is the complete opposite of me. My parents met him during the family meetings, and they said he’s super friendly, talkative, and full of confidence. They think he would "compliment" me, but I’m not so sure.
Let me paint you a picture of my life: I’ve always been the kind of girl who stays in her room, reads books, and quietly does her assignments. My best friends? Probably my cat and my diary. I’ve never been the life of the party—or even at the party for that matter. I love silence. I love peace. And the idea of marrying someone like Ahsan, who seems like he’d want me to attend every family wedding, talk to his colleagues, and host dinner parties, gives me panic attacks.
It’s not that I think extroverts are bad—far from it. My little brother is an extrovert, and he lights up every room he walks into. But me? I feel like I’d be overshadowed.
The first meeting: When Ahsan and I met, I swear I couldn’t look him in the eye for more than 10 seconds. He started the conversation, asking me about my studies, my hobbies, and what I want to do after graduation. I was so nervous that I could barely string two sentences together. He noticed my shyness and smiled, saying, “It’s okay if you’re nervous. You can take your time.” That made me feel slightly better, but then he started talking about his own life—how he loves hiking, traveling, and meeting new people.
Hiking? TRAVELING? My idea of a good weekend is sitting at home in my shalwar kameez with a cup of chai, not climbing mountains or mingling with strangers.
I kept wondering, is this the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with?
What my parents think: My parents are over the moon about Ahsan. They keep saying things like:
“Aise log bohot rare milte hain, jo family-oriented bhi ho aur earning bhi acha karein.”
“Tumhari sharmili nature ke liye yeh perfect hai, kyun ke woh tumhein samajh lega.”
“Bachay, tum jitna avoid karogi, utni zindagi complicated hogi. Ek confident banda life simplify kar deta hai.”
They believe that Ahsan’s outgoing personality will balance out my shyness and that he’ll help me “come out of my shell.” But what if I don’t want to come out of my shell? What if I’m okay being the quiet, reserved person I am?
What my best friend said: I told my best friend about all of this, and she had a totally different perspective. She said:
“Tu shaadi ka decision apne parents ke pressure pe mat le. Yahan toh compromise toh karna hi hota hai, but make sure you’re not suffocating yourself.”
“Tujhe pata hai woh travel-shavel wala banda hai, lekin woh tere introvert nature ko respect karega ya nahi, woh decide karna zaroori hai.” She also suggested that I talk to him more and figure out if he’s someone who will genuinely respect my boundaries or if he’ll try to “fix” me.
What Ahsan said (in the second meeting): We had another meeting recently, and this time, he brought up something interesting. He told me that he doesn’t expect me to suddenly change who I am just because we’d get married. He said, “Everyone has their own personality, and I wouldn’t want to force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. But I do hope we can meet each other halfway. Marriage is about compromise.”
This made me feel better, but I still couldn’t shake off the fear of being overwhelmed. What does “meet each other halfway” even mean? Does it mean I’ll have to start going to his office parties or his friends’ reunions? Or will he be okay if I just stick to being me?
My internal struggle: Sometimes I feel like marrying him would be a good idea because he seems like a decent, understanding guy. Plus, my parents’ approval means the world to me, and they think he’s a perfect match. But other times, I imagine the day-to-day reality of being with someone so different from me, and I get so anxious.
What if he gets bored of me? What if my quietness frustrates him? What if I’m not enough for him?
Dear Reddit, I need your advice: Do you think opposites really attract and balance each other out? Or do you think our differences will eventually drive a wedge between us?
For context: I’ve never been in a relationship before, and I don’t really have any experience in dealing with guys. I know shaadi is a big deal, and I don’t want to make a decision I’ll regret.
Should I take a leap of faith and trust that things will work out? Or should I tell my parents I’m not ready for this rishta?
P.S. Please keep in mind that I’m not someone who can say no easily—especially not to my parents.
Waiting for your thoughts!