Feeling a little sad don't know where to post

I just left my dad's house for thanksgiving which is now my sister's house...the last time I saw him awake and coherent was Thanksgiving of 2023...he died Dec 7th so next week is the one year..I have so much good going on but his death is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I am onto better things in my life than where I was last year and I have accomplished a lot. I feel sometimes like I am a little fake on how I am doing because I don't like to worry anybody. I live two hours away from my sister and it's hard this time of year I am on probation so I can't just leave and go there...his one year, my nephews birthday, and Christmas are all obviously in December and I don't wanna request a bunch of time away from my PO. I am in counseling right now and we work on how I am feeling but sometimes it feels like too much. I cannot imagine what the families of murder victims go thru cuz I got to say good bye to my dad. Anyway happy Thanksgiving everyone don't get me wrong I was so happy to be with my family it just feels sad.