College student here. Help. Save me. I cannot talk to anyone IRL about this, but I want to.

Btw, I haven't really studied in the past one year.

Philosophy external paper is tomorrow morning.

I'm an undergraduate student in the University of Delhi (if someone from DU is here, please, I cannot afford to 😭) giving my 3rd sem exams right now.

Sem 1 I somehow managed to pass everything. But perhaps I'll give the improvement for them as well if my time and ability permits, to up my overall score. Backlog count: 0

Sem 2 I failed all three of my core papers and will give their backlogs along with Sem 4. I screwed up the internals as well, so I'll need to get a B+ (i.e. at least 64/90) to pass. Backlog count: 3

Sem 3... Well in read the pinned post on u/flame_and_freeze_ 's account...

Talking about internals, I failed in my microeconomics and macroeconomics, but passed in the mathematical the philosophy papers.

Externals: I'll probably fail most (perhaps all) of them. Backlog count: anywhere between 2-4.

Some additional details that might help:

  1. I've felt suixidal in the past and still do, sometimes.

  2. I talk to very few people in college.

  3. Lifting weights and playing the flute are the only things I am good at, and both will not get me anywhere. I do not have a good physique to create content, and I am learning the flute in a very disorganized way (random YouTube videos) so I do not see it as anything more than a simple hobby.

  4. I recently got into a relationship about a week ago with a junior of mine (she's in the first semester). The way she talks about studying and scoring marks, it only scares me even further! she's scoring As and Bs in her internals and has studied well, yet she is "scared" of the end sem exam, asking me "how much do we need in the external paper to pass if we have 55/70 in the internals? I got so less". And here I am with 33/70 in the paper of the internals I passed in.😭

I hope I don't need to explain why else I added point #4. People currently in or ever been in a relationship will understand.

  1. u/flame_and_freeze_ is also me.