I got dumped and NC worked and didn’t…

Like any human, my emotions were running wild at the sudden and unexpected end of our relationship that I started begging for it not to be over. I begged for any form of response from her; a reason why it ended, what did I need to do to change, did she ever have feelings etc.

I never got a response. In that time I started googling everything on how to get her back and this Reddit thread became my solace.

I related to so many posts here, it was nice to know I wasn't alone in this experience. But I soon realised NC wasn't solely about getting her back, but getting yourself back. So I took the eventual step to do No Contact. I sent her a final text to say if she ever did want to reach out my door would be open, but that I'll move on and let her enjoy her life.

In the following months I took that time to really reflect on myself and the relationship. I started going to therapy to discuss my feelings and work on myself, discover why I reacted in such a way, what the relationship meant to me, and unearth the root cause of my attachment issues. I was super self-critical at first, pinpointing where I could have done better, things I could have said or done differently, and thinking how I'd pushed her away over time with my poor communication skills. But, it was important for me not to dwell and be too harsh on myself, as that's a heavy burden to carry. I learnt that a relationship is a two-way street as there were definitely things she could have done differently too; her communication wasn't the greatest either.

NC gave me the time to work on myself and be a better person. To regulate my emotions and improve my communication skills. I'm not perfect yet, but this is something I'm going to keep working on.

It's okay to miss someone, especially if they meant something to you. And if I ever get the chance to be with her again (which at this point I'm more likely to win the lottery) I know where I went wrong and I know what I'd do differently.

I write all of this because some posts I see on here look like they're still coming from a place of pain without introspection.

You're not going to get her (or him) back if you're not going to take the time to look inside yourself and see how you can improve yourself first as the same mistakes will keep repeating. You may never get a chance of getting them back, but you will be stronger for any future relationship you'll have. No Contact gives you time to think and the space you need to have clarity. You may even think after a few months you don't want them back. Either way, this time is for you, not them. Focus on yourself, pick up a hobby, get yourself into therapy it really helps, or just take an hour out of your day to journal your thoughts.

Because if they do come back (through you reaching out or them messaging you) you'll be in a better place mentally.

So No Contact worked and didn't work for me. It didn't work in winning her back (to this day still not heard from her and yes I did reach out once more), but it did work in getting myself back. I am at a place of peace now. I know how to regulate my emotions and be present for a partner, to be there for them emotionally, and communicate effectively. For her, or for someone else.

*I'm fortunate I have one-to-one therapy sessions as a perk of my job, but I know not everyone can have or afford that. Sure everyone poopoos it but even something like Better Help or a virtual therapist is still better than no therapist.

**Also my first Reddit post :)