I NEED TO DRIVE

I’m currently on my way home from my boyfriend’s as he’s too sick to drop me home (bless him). He’s had to fork out £30 for a taxi simply because I can’t drive.

I randomly had a seizure last year, but since starting my meds, I’ve only had 2 seizures in 5 years. I was previously having about 1-2 a year unmediated. I’m fairly sure I know what happened with the one last year (I was weaning off of Valium too quickly), but I can’t even remember the one before that as it was 5 years ago.

I’m thinking of getting my licence this year but it’s always a risk. You just never know. In the UK, this poor woman ended up killing 2 or 3 primary school kids as she had a seizure. It was a horrible tragic situation all round, and I can’t even imagine how she is feeling (and the obvious pain of the parent).

Sure, I could take the risk and live my life, but what if I end up in a similar situation. I’m not particularly bothered about my own life, but someone else? I’d never be able to live with that, but I’m also struggling so badly by not being able to drive.

I rely on my boyfriend all the time and it’s not fair. Even when we have an argument, I still have to rely on him. It limits my freedom in a sense as I would love to just get in my car to drive 5 minutes up the road at night to get some food opposed to having to walk 15 minutes to the nearest shop.

I hate this disorder. I hate it so much. I don’t want to be “why me” as I know I’ve got it FAR better than many others and things could be a lot worse, but I still feel my life is restricted. It’s selfish, I know, but I can’t help these feelings.