The Lotion Man saga with a new 2 year update
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/biscuitsandbutters posting in r/relationship_advice
Concluded as per OOP
Thanks to u/Small-Bodybuilder160 for finding the latest update
3 updates - Long
Original - 20th November 2022
Update1 - 26th November 2022
Update2 - 27th November 2022
Update3 - 25th January 2022
I (27f) made a stupid joke to my husband (30m) and he stormed off. How do I fix this?
Hey Reddit! I’m an Instagram snooper so this is my first time here! I honestly never expected to post here because my husband (30m) and I (27f) have a great relationship. Of course I can’t say we haven’t had our occasional bumps but it’s honestly a dream come true all the way through. Our wedding was April 2021 and we both cried like babies that day, and since then the sailing has been smoother than soap.
This afternoon, me and him came home after a little lunch outing with our newly-engaged friends Kai and Marie. It went great but was like just another outing, nothing special, though we got some bomb pasta back home which I’m currently shoveling into my gob since it’s too chilly for ice cream. We live in a super tiny apartment and so he showered first while I got the leftovers into the fridge and stuff.
I went in after him, finished my shower and put some lotion on my palm. I accidentally squeezed too much and dabbed some of it away. After I rubbed it on my face I still had some of the leftover on my finger and I did exactly what any perfectly sane person would do: on my thumb, I whipped up a little smiley face and some spiky hair to create Lotion Man. I came out of the bathroom, giggling about it, and said something along the lines of “Hey, look, it’s Lotion Man.”
He didn’t really react, he just looked at my hand and blinked at me. I honestly was just goofing around and started making a silly voice and saying some random shit sprinkled with some inside jokes. I was blabbing for about a minute before he just… up and left. I was of course completely oblivious as he grabbed some of his shit and I just was smiling and asking where he was going in kind of a playful way. He has a huge truck and we’d just returned from a trip so he has enough stuff to last him weeks, so it didn’t really dawn on me that he was LEAVING leaving until he drove away. I honestly feel like Booboo the Fool for making such a stupid joke and then letting him leave just like that.
I texted him a few times and he’s just said that he’s “thinking about things” and that he’s at his brother Tyler’s place. I’ve been texting him nonstop but he hasn’t been responding or even reading any of it. He also sleeps really early so I doubt I can get in contact with him any time soon. His brother isn’t responsive either so I’m just leaving my phone on the nightstand and holding my breath. I don’t think it’s really dawned on me yet. I stared blankly at the door for like ten minutes before I got off my ass and actually tried contacting him. I’ve been with this man for YEARS and I’m always cracking cheesy jokes. I feel stupid and like shit for making Lotion Man and continuing after no response instead of just shutting up and accepting that I’m unfunny.
At the same time I’m just confused. He’s never been at this point even in our rougher patches, the worst we’ve done is just take breaks from sex or just talk to one another a little less. (Wasn’t planning on getting into my sex life but honestly I’m just rambling at this point.) I’m all for giving him space but I can’t say I’m not hurt he’s just leaving. And the process of divorce is just so… ughh I don’t even want to think about this anymore.
Was making Lotion Man as big of a mistake as I think it was? Any advice on getting him back home?? Thanks Reddit. Also any cute subreddit suggestions would be appreciated since it’s my first time on Reddit and I want to distract myself.
Comments
Far_Pineapple2653
Their is something big missing to this story because ain’t no way it’s over the soap thing.
Update - 4 days later
Hey Reddit, again. I posted here earlier about how my husband left after I told him a dumb joke. You can find it here.
I followed the advice I got and kept my distance. You all had me really pondering about how much of my relationship was the butterflies and kittens I thought it was. I still firmly believe that everything was absolutely perfect before it happened, but oh well, I have my opinions.
So you guys were right about some things and wrong about some things. For those of you saying that the lotion thing had nothing to do with it, you were… kinda wrong. But for the people who said something happened during the lunch outing, you were right on the money.
My husband came back the other day. He apologized and said he was ready to talk to me. I obliged. I tried my best not to be all over him but quite frankly I missed this man so damn much, he’s my husband after all. He told me the following. I mentioned previously that we went out with our two newlywed friends Kai (30m) and Marie (29f). We did have some quality time with all four of us, but often one or more people were missing from the table, considering it was a fusion buffet and the food was amazing.
Apparently, at some point, my husband and Marie grabbed some food together. Or maybe before we left, since I know I was talking to just Kai for a while before they appeared and we got to the car. Whatever it was, they were alone together.
Marie, the fiancée, told my husband that when Kai proposed, she realized she was in love with him (my husband) though she accepted Kai’s proposal and tried to put her feelings to rest by organizing a lunch out. Though apparently she was “charmed” or some bullshit because she asked him to run away with her or something. I don’t know but she wanted him to leave me and be with her. Now, Marie is honestly gorgeous, which I hate to say because I’m so pissed off with her. She’s the typical blonde blue-eyed skinny pageant girl who looks kind of like Emma Watson. I’m not.
My husband gently turned her down and wished her all the best. But he says he had her on her mind for a while (we were all college friends, so we know one another very well) and when I showed him Lotion Man, it all essentially exploded inside him. I had a hair towel and some shitty old clothes on and I was giggling over a stupid thing and apparently my “immaturity” ticked him off over however the hell Marie was. He got sudden cold feet about our relationship and left for his brother’s place. He eventually came back and said he “loved me all over again.” I was frozen in shock and asked some questions before asking him to sleep on the couch at least for that night. He did and it didn’t really help me sleep. I can’t believe it, honestly, that he was considering shitting away all of our relationship for a crush. The more I think about it the less I can look him in the eye. We went to Thanksgiving lunch together with some of his family + some close friends and we spent last night together so I think he thinks he’s in the clear. I can’t lie and say I’m not considering just forgiving and forgetting though.
He comes home from work about six hours from now and I don’t know what to do next. I have off today (I’m a teacher) and so I’m considering either
A) Contacting Kai and telling him about what his fiancée is up to (My husband begged me not to as Marie was apparently making a “spontaneous” mistake)
B) Contacting Marie and chewing her out for trying to fuck up my relationship OR having a civil conversation (less tempting but it’s whatever)
C) Contacting Tyler (his brother) and asking if he left the house at some point (Tyler’s house is very close to Marie’s place and I’m very worried about that) though I doubt I’ll get anything out of him
D) All of the above.
Any advice (or well wishes because I’m not in a great place right now) would be appreciated. If I do end up updating it’ll probably be on my profile since I understand this subreddit has a one update policy + I don’t want to update without a definite outlook on the future. I think I’ve mentioned before that legal stuff scares the shit out of me so divorce will be tough but it seems likely. I wish I could just forget it all. Thanks Reddit.
TLDR: Husband abruptly left after I made a “Lotion Man” with my finger. Turns out a friend asked him out and he got cold feet about our relationship after seeing my “immaturity”. Not sure what to do next.
Comments
Lopsided-Aioli9476
I would do D) all the above. But first contact Kai to let him know and that way she can't lie beforehand and or make another story. Do you have a good relationship with your BIL? If so I would ask, but he might cover. I would also ask your husband if you haven't already. Then contact her and let her know the friendship is over and she crossed a major line. So sorry you are going through this.
OOP: Thank you for your well wishes. I'm going to contact Kai tomorrow when I can, and I'll try to have another conversation with my husband since it seems like the tension has settled.
Update - 1 day later
Hey Reddit! First of all I’d like to thank you SO much for the overwhelming support and sweet messages. I honestly was not expecting this, a lot of you guys also took the time to message me and I had a lot of great conversations with fellow Redditors. I’m honestly so flattered by how freaking sweet so many of you guys are. I wish I could have replied to every single one of your comments, I up-voted every one of them though! I think my post got deleted. Some of you asked for pictures of Lotion Man yet I can't quite find the feature to upload photos on here, but I will as soon as I can!
A lot of you had some really interesting theories LOL. And surprisingly, most of them were somewhat right. Majority ruled that I should do all three (confront Kai, Marie, husband AND Tyler, not necessarily in that order) and so I had to get smart with it since a lot of you guys told me that any one of them could twist the story had they known there was outside influence. Before I begin, yes, the full story is wacky and honestly doesn't make that much sense. I'm honestly just piecing it together via context clues and I do have some questions left unanswered. Plus nobody who is relaying this story is in a good headspace and to you, it might just seem like a ton of garbled nonsense. I'm just hoping it gets across since I know a lot of people wanted closure on this.
When my husband came home we had a conversation. He essentially said the same story and he told me he was open to my marriage counselling suggestion. I gave him a big hug and did the laundry (usually we split the laundry + I had been giving him a light cold shoulder) so I indirectly “forgave” him, in his eyes at least. We haven’t really set boundaries with our phones, like we know each other’s passwords and everything, but he would definitely get suspicious if I was just scrolling around on it. So instead I agreed to meet up with Kai first; a lot of you guys were concerned that he would tell Marie and everything would implode, but Kai is a big gym nut and I’ve been wanting to go recently so I set it as casually as possible using it as an excuse. He agreed.
The next morning, I met with Kai. I sat down with him and told him all I know. Yes, I cried like a baby. Originally Kai was rigid and tried to (kindly) poke holes in what I was saying with a few “gotcha” questions before he, too, broke down. Marie didn’t tell him a word. That was a big red flag on its own.
I then went to Marie with Kai. A few Redditors told me to be as discreet as possible and so, as a suggestion said, I just blurted to her that "I know everything." She played dumb at first and then eventually broke.
You all were right. Marie "trying to settle her crush" was a bullshit story. My husband was the one who approached her. She told me that he asked her if before she "sealed" it with Kai if she wanted to have a night with him and another woman. Here's the kicker -- Marie said yes.
But wait, I hate to say it, but that's not all. Apparently Marie has been cheating on Kai for a while, with men and women. And my husband has also been cheating frequently -- they covered for each other, and occasionally met up. At the last moment, she declined because she wanted to be "loyal" to Kai now that they were engaged, (as if she wasn't cheating for the majority of the relationship) and he (husband) got all pissed off for a while before saying he's just "locked in his apartment now." Cue me showing him Lotion Man. He snaps and gets out of there.
Kai and Marie are both arguing, in tears, and red at the face. I told them sorry that I butted into their relationship, and that I'll handle my husband myself.
I found Tyler before the sun set. He told me yes, his brother stopped by, but only around ~11pm. He left at around 8. So those three hours went fuck all. Tyler told me that he was angry and didn't tell him anything. I then tell him some context (just the Lotion Man) and he says that maybe he was driving around for a while. It doesn't sound like my husband to drive as relief, but I'm willing to look into it, since the future was already looking pretty fucking bleak.
I went home. I "Googled" something on my husband's phone. Instead, I was just checking if any of them had contacted him. Nothing, thankfully. I would've gone into more depth but that would have to wait. Instead, I tried to keep him busy for the duration of the day. Remember how I said he sleeps really early? Well, that worked in my favor.
Took his phone that night while he was snoring his ass off. Ran into a million dead ends. I knew I was missing something, but I just couldn’t find it. Finally, I opened his hidden photos. Kaboom! His story explodes to pieces.
What did I find? Nudes. Nudes. More nudes. Even more nudes. All of one girl. Not me, shocker. But not Marie either. I don't recognize her. Let's call her Allison, considering Allison was my second-grade best friend who was actually a snake (They're not the same person! Just so I can call her something when I refer to her in the story because I don't actually know her name.) She's absolutely gorgeous. Red hair, hourglass figure, you name it.
I'm obviously broken. I traced her back to a contact. I feel sick. There it is, an affair. He's been contacting her since February, days before I surprised him with a Valentines thing that I had been using up my paychecks for and thinking I was the luckiest woman alive. It fucking sucks. I can't even read more. But I tough through it. Then, I hit it. November 3rd, two days after the last nude. She's pissed off. She found out he was married all along. She was "in love with him". I would feel bad for her, but she didn’t even bother trying to contact me out of “love.”
Ergo, hubby has a genius idea. He told Allison that he’ll bring his “wife” over in a hotel to show that his wife doesn’t care about the affair. Sound familiar?
So I assume when Marie canceled, there was nothing he could do. He became whiny and begged her to come. He told Allison that there was an “inconvenience” and they’d meet up another day. Then the Lotion Man. He got pissed off at me and left. I don’t know what he did after that, but whatever it was, he wasn’t with either of them. Then he went to Tyler’s place, slept it off, and came back afterward.
I’ll spare you the details. But I couldn’t even pretend to like him anymore after I found that out. I brought Kai and Marie over the next morning. He started fucking blubbering and tried to deny it all before eventually admitting he was into redheads (Marie is actually strawberry blonde, Allison is very ginger) and it was the one “desire” of his I couldn’t fulfill. Even I could see past his bullshit saying that he loved only me and that being with Allison/Marie only made him love me more. I just said fuck it and packed my stuff. He got more desperate but even I, the girl who was honestly infatuated with him, knew it was over. He technically owns the apartment so I had to leave.
Now, I'm staying with Kai. He's as hurt as I am. I feel for him too, his wife was his world. We were hugging and crying for a while, ranting about God knows what, just trying to get ourselves together TBH. He tried to lighten the mood by making lunch and it was really nice, he's a wonderful cook. I showed him the other two posts and he got a kick out of some of your comments, haha.
As far as I know, my soon-to-be-ex husband is with Marie for now. I don't care about either of them, and honestly, it's kind of therapeutic just having some kind of closure and not walking on eggshells like I have been for the past few days. Kai and I are going to the gym tomorrow to do some relaxing yoga and hopefully figure out what to do next -- we've both taken off from work. I'm sorting out my finances and hopefully I should get the ball rolling to finally (legally) split from my husband and be able to call him my ex.
I'm still so, so frazzled. I have at least half a dozen pictures of him and me on my desk and our wedding picture is my lockscreen on pretty much all of my devices. I know my students will notice his sudden disappearance from my life, and I'll have to tell them that the guy I've been raving about for the past forever is divorcing me. I'll have to tell all my family and friends. Kai is my rock in this whole thing and we'll eventually have to part ways, which hurts me because he's honestly my #1 support system in all of this. Living arrangements, actual divorce costs, law stuff (yuck), therapy... sigh. I still have a lot to go through. I can't believe I thought the relationship was perfect, it's really therapeutic to just write this all down.
But Reddit, thank you so much. I've already talked about how much support I received, but honestly, some of your guys' honesty and compliments have, for lack of better emphasis, honestly saved my life. I would have been with cheating scum and Kai would have been, too. This place is so awesome and there's so much to be seen here, so many nice people checking in on me and wanting to keep up with my story. I'll be coming back for more advice someday, though just know I've seen all (yes, all!) of your sweet words, and I'll continue lurking around for a long time. But this should be my final update for now. Thank you again Reddit, from me (and Kai)!
TLDR: Husband left me alone after I told him a stupid joke. He blames it on needing to “think about things” after our mutual friend Marie asks him out. Turns out he was the one who asked Marie out… for a threesome. He has an affair partner, Allison, who fell in love with him and found out he’s married, and he wanted Marie to pose as me to show that “his wife is cool with it” so he can keep Allison. Marie accepts but then declines at the last moment, pissing him off. He has a redhead fetish he never bothered telling me about and therefore cheats to fulfill it. I’m looking into divorce and staying with Marie’s (ex) fiancé, Kai. Yes, I don't understand it much either, and I don't know how this all went on under my nose.
Shorter TLDR: Lotion Man and Reddit saved me from a piece of shit husband. :-)
Comments
userabe
Wow. What an ass. Sorry for everything you had to go through, but at least now you’re out of there.
If it makes you feel any better, telling more people about it might actually help you move past this. Dude was a serial cheater and deserves to be put on full blast. I know it’s also uncomfortable, but you should probably get tested if you haven’t already. Best of luck.
OOP: Thank you so much. It's bittersweet but I'm warming up to it, I guess. I've told my family and friends that we're divorcing due to his infidelity and a lot of them have told me they stopped contacting him, they were very vocal about their opinions! LOL but me and Kai got tested for STDs yesterday (after I first saw this comment, actually) and we're still waiting for our results. As far as I know Marie had more partners than my soon-to-be-ex so I'm really worried for Kai, but he assures me he's physically feeling fine and whatever happens happens.
frankthedoor
OP, keep rocking your Lotion Man. When you're ready, you deserve someone that will love you and your Lotion Man.
OOP: I have to hop off right now but there's the recreation of the guy who saved my life! Thanks Reddit!
Update - 2 years later
A Complete And Utter Doozy -- Lotion Man, Years Later! Oh, yikes, that title is a trainwreck. Sorry, I'll come up with something better once I can get my brain working again. It's that time of year again, if you couldn't tell. Check in on your teacher pals, if you have any. LOL.
Hello Reddit! It's been a while, and I finally hopped back onto this account, and wow. I honestly... don't even know where to start. Seeing so much support even today, well wishes into the new year, it's all really amazing stuff. I love the internet so much, especially you, Reddit. You guys were there for me during the dang hardest times in my life. I saw dozens of messages asking about updates, if I'm doing all right, even people sharing their own stories of nearly IDENTICAL things happening to them. One of their "boyfriend"s blamed the new puppy! Crazy stuff! She even sent me a picture of the little guy, who looked so blameless. I can't believe this heart-wrenching experience is so mutual, and yet, I can't lose hope in humanity yet. Just because of the waves of love I'm receiving all across the board from you guys. :-)
And now it's been about two years! Feels like for-freaking-ever ago, and at the same time, it all feels like it happened yesterday.
Okay, now ACTUALLY getting to it -- there's a lot to get through here LOL, buckle up! I ought to get the bad news out of the way first. Kai and I had a... pretty nasty fallout. I don't want to dive into the nitty gritty details (this'll be like, thirty pages long if I do that) but to sum it all up in a giftwrap; we were roommates, pretty involved in one another's business, yadda yadda. Basically, every time I went to the store, he knew. Every time he came home from work, I knew. All of our whereabouts were always mentally noted just because of our proximity, paired with the way we divvied up our house chores and whatnot.
At some point Kai tells me he's going on a date with a girl. Yay, good for him! In my case, this was just a few months after D-Day and I was still in the middle of the messy divorce proceedings, plus I wasn't really in the headspace for another relationship, so I wasn't even considering dating just yet. Since Kai and Marie didn't have a ring on it yet they were able to break it off a little more cleanly, but not perfect, obviously! He went on the date, and then he went on another date, and then it stopped. Eventually after a week of no dates I asked what happened out of curiosity, and he told me simply that she'd "ghosted" him. It wasn't until a week later on a totally random evening that he drops the sparkly rainbow glitter bomb on me: he had tried to see Marie again.
I know, pretty crazy behavior, right? Well, he was telling me this crying and blubbering like a baby on his couch, and I couldn't help but feel bad for him since the road to recovery from a blown-up relationship is rough. He told me that those dates had helped him realize it was over, like over over. He described it like -- and I'm probably mincing words here -- when he first met Marie, she had this sweet girl-next-door customer service facade. As he got to know her better he ended up revealing this fun-loving, wild-spirited girl underneath, the girl he says he fell in love with. But then when he met up with her again that month, she was right back to her factory settings, which hurt him deep down because it felt like he'd started at square one all over again. He not only "ghosted" her after two dates, but blocked her everywhere. It was a bit of a tough decision for me (hits quite close to home, you know?) but I decided to brush it off and console him instead of really caring.
Things were clear for another few months after that! In that time Kai morphed me into a TOTAL gym girl, haha! Reading my last posts. it's so funny how iffy I was about the gym. Anyway, after those few halcyon months, Kai breaks the news to me again that he's going on another date, this time with a friend of a mutual friend we have. Again, I was like oh, go for it! At this time, again, I was all muddled up in divorce proceedings and still sulking over my crumpled marriage so dating still wasn't on the table for me.
Now, as I'd mentioned before, we both kept tabs on each other just because of the way our arrangement was structured. So when Kai started leaving at 2pm and coming home at 8pm, and his other dates with this girl had these equally long time frames if not longer, I immediately noticed. Of course, I didn't really bring it up since I assumed he was just having a really great time with her or something along those lines, but his absence on "date days" were noticeable. He'd even request for me to run some of his smaller errands he knew he'd miss on those days just because of how long he was gone. Eventually I was able to meet this girl, Grace (20-somethingF) who was super super sweet and was also a teacher!! (She taught elementary school kids, but still, it was a great thing for us to bond over). At this point things seemed to be going great, Kai and Grace were adorbs, summer was passing, and everything was hunky-dory. I also (just about) officially divorced my ex-husband!
But dang it, those dates were just so long! Even his "short meet-ups" were at least three to four hours of him just gone. And so finally I subtly bring it up. Kai then tells me that Grace mostly plans their date spots, and those spots are usually an hour or two away from here with traffic. When I asked him where Grace lived (maybe they were trying to meet in the middle?) Kai responded with a plain "not sure". At that point, maybe I'd read too many infidelity forums or something, but alarms were going off in my head. Grace probably didn't live too far off, considering she was friends with one of our friends, and after months of dating Kai didn't even know where she lived (whereas she'd eaten at our place multiple times!), and the date spots all purposefully super far away... to me, it sounded a little off.
This was where I probably overstepped. I go on Instagram searching her name... and voila, I found Kai's girlfriend Grace in a wedding dress with this guy Mike, back in 2019. She's married! Yikes!
I wake up Kai immediately (yes, cringe at my idiocy, I'm sorry) and spill it all with receipts. It's 12am, he's bleary-eyed with work at 7 tomorrow, I've barged into his room wide-eyed and gesturing at the phone screen like a crazy person, it's all a mess. Finally, after I shut up, Kai gets MAD. Like, FUMING! He interrogates me as to why I was getting all up in Grace's business, and then when I told him about the red flags he just got even more mad. The entire argument spiraled out of control, he told me I was way overstepping my boundaries (which I honestly was, but again, our proximity had us constantly keeping tabs on each other), I asked him why the hell he was mad at me for trying to look out for him, it turned into a giant screaming match. Eventually he went to the next level and rambled on about how this was all probably because I was secretly into him and that he's always thought our relationship had gotten closer than it needed to be, which is why I was "stalking" him. That's when I got really mad and said some awful things I wish I could take back, I dug at him for his situation with Marie, that I'd never date him for a million bucks, and then it devolved into him calling me some nasty names and I just had to walk out. It was nasty, we were both exhausted and aggravated, it all just blew into a thousand pieces in the span of one night.
He woke me up early the next morning before he left. I thought the night had been time for our heads to cool and he'd come to apologize, but instead he decided to drop the news on me plainly, which he'd admitted he was bearing on his shoulders for a while. Kai knew. He knew Grace was married since close to day one, but he'd shrugged it off. Her husband was a nice man, but Grace told Kai that she just couldn't feel for him anymore. And that explained why the gas bill for all those far-off dates didn't faze him, I guess. I'll admit, I wasn't too happy to hear this! I asked him how he would feel if Marie's hookups had known she was married and still went for her, to which Kai got mad all over again and told me not to bring Marie into this. We argued again, definitely not as explosive as the night before but still pretty flaming, where Kai told me that he'd avoid telling me all this time because he knew I'd make a big deal out of it. I told him that infidelity was obviously personal to me and I honestly expected it was for him, too, to which he just straight up said it wasn't and that being roommates with me was as exhausting as a full-time relationship, that I had no control over who he dated. So I was like yeah, fine, date whoever you want, I just thought you needed to know that you were helping her cheat, I didn't mean for this to blow out of proportion. He said that was fine by him and just left for work. I wasn't Kai's mother or something where I needed to dictate his relationships. I just thought Kai wanted to know, you know, that he was being "the other man" here. I know if I was in a relationship with a man who was married already I'd want someone to tell me, and based off my standards, I'd break it off with said man. But if Kai had different morals regardless of our shared experiences, that was fine too. I just didn't want to associate with someone who perpetuated cheating.
I didn't really have to move out of Kai's -- he was nice enough not to overtly kick me out and make me homeless, but things were definitely tough and distant between us for the next while, and I'd lost respect for him in all honesty. Him continuing to see Grace and also the idea he had that I was interested in him... it wasn't great. Finally I was able to get together all my stuff and move out, to which I moved in with a family friend and I was ultimately better off even though it was pretty dang far from where I worked.
I guess I ought to provide an update on the man himself, my ex-husband. Well, pretty soon after we officially divorced he got engaged to another woman. Around this time, right after I moved out, I think I just about hit rock bottom. The whole AI panic with student work started happening in my district, I was beginning the process to move out properly into my own place, all while I was in a new community where I didn't really know anybody overall. I was pretty lonely and down all the time, I went on a couple dates, but they went quite mediocre and I gave it up in the end (which only cemented how lonely I was). Wouldn't go back to those days for the world.
Ex-husband reaches out to me, and he tells me about his engagement and all the good news. He tells me he's on some "life improvement" path and that he wants to clean up his act, starting with giving me a good and well apology. He offers to meet me in person, locally, swearing up and down this wasn't a date nor was he expecting me to accept said apology. I should've been much more assertive but I was totally beat down from life and I felt like a totally different person, in a sucky, no-good way, so I agreed like an idiot. I thought maybe an apology rather than a loose end would help me feel better about things.
It went... just as well as you'd expect it to. It started out okay, where we shared pleasantries and he actually did apologize about everything. But then he started pressing me about how my life was going. I tried not to tell him too many details, saying the kids are fine, I'm doing fine, whatever else was going on. But I guess I must've said one two many things because he quickly picked up on how miserable my life was. He then had this Cheshire Cat grin as he began to boast about his great new life, his hot girlfriend, her shiny engagement ring, and basically how everything was going great and amazing for him. He casually drops that his life has been leagues better than it's ever been, and that our separation was a blessing dressed as a curse. Can't lie and say it didn't hurt to hear the years I'd put in with him felt like burdens to him! At this point he's most definitely rubbing it in, and eventually I get fed up with hearing him talk and weasel my way out of there. In the end I never got invited to the wedding, so did we really make amends? Either way, I totally regretted doing all that. Total waste of my time and it only dug me deeper into that depression pit. :-(
But, alas -- things eventually start looking up, when you least expect it! After a long, long while of dragging myself through each day by the hair, I finally went on one more date. I'd lost a lot of weight and looked pretty sunken and pale so I didn't think I'd make a great first impression, but what do you know, fate can make things happen like magic. That's where I met my current partner Chase (29M) who is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. He's so patient, undeniably sweet, so, SO chatty and lively! Seriously! I'm used to being the loud and silly ones in relationships, and I used to think I'd like a guy who'd offset my energy, smirk and roll his eyes at my jokes, whatever. A lot of people seem to throw themselves in that cliche, but let me give you some sage advice: if you're a ray of sunshine, don't search for the aloof, tall, dark, and handsome Mr. Right, please search for for someone who matches your bright energy! It's SO refreshing, I've been missing this all my life thinking I wanted a straight-laced sucker. I've never felt so much more loved and so, so complete than I have with this big goofball. No more "biscuitsandbutters being biscuitsandbutters", no more one-sided conversations, no more of those half-hearted scoff-laughs dudes do to seem cool. We make the silliest jokes, the most legendary memories, and it feels so indescribably alive! Our conversations are so strangely deep about the most oddball of topics, and never have I felt bored around him. If I keep going on about him I think my fingers will break from how much I'll type. Jeez louise!
But anyway, there's a little more I have to cover (told you it'd be a lot!) so I'm just gonna get straight to it. It's late 2024 and the year's started back up again, I'm head over heels for Chase, everything's going just fine. I moved properly into my own place a little while before that, back closer to my job and whatnot, but I didn't start going back to my old gym until then. That's when I saw Kai again. He didn't notice me for a few days but when he did, he immediately came up to me. He very cordially apologized, told me he'd been worried sick since I'd gone basically no contact with him. He told me he said a lot of stupid things that he regretted, and if I ever wanted to be friends again, he was always open to it.
And that was it. It's 2025 now, I have no clue if Kai's still with Grace, Kai has no clue that I'm with Chase. But I still see him around in the gym. So I haven't yet properly connected him since his apology. Maybe I should, but honestly? This likely isn't the best way to describe it but to me, Kai feels like a recurring character from the first movie that's making an abrupt appearance in the second or third movie. It's a weird feeling I'm probably making up, but I feel like I'm on a totally different chapter of my life now what with Chase and my life happenings, so far beyond the events of my ex-husband and Marie and every other part of that time period. (Not Lotion Man, though. Lotion Man is simply timeless.) Speaking of the legend himself, I did actually get around to showing Chase a rendition of Lotion Man. I won't lie, I was shaking a little bit! But to top this all off with a nice little cherry for all you happy ending lovers, not only did he find Lotion Man absolutely hilarious with a full-on belly laugh, it's a bit of a running joke between us now: we've got Soap Man, Ketchup Man, Shaving Cream Man, Floor Dust Man(?) Basically anything we can create little smiley guys with, we make them real! And they all have silly accents too. Lotion Man, the world is your oyster!
And with that... that's basically it. So much more has happened in my life that I've excluded here just because it's not really relevant to what I've typed here before (seriously, a lot happens in few years!), but my God vomiting all that info out into these verbose paragraphs has felt like therapy. Even if nobody reads this, I'll still feel the weight of the past lifted off my shoulders, even if it's just a bit. I guess the one lesson I've learned coming out of all of this and coming out of my twenties is that being unapologetically you will always do wonders, no matter what. Things change. Life moves. It'll always get better. If you shine too bright for the small box that is your life, then it's not your fault for being too radiant, you just need to get out of that damn box! I'll never apologize for being myself again. So you guys can take all my wordy, nerdy, nonsensical paragraphs in their full, unedited glory! LOL! Love you, Reddit!
TLDR: It's been a while, Reddit! Basically, Kai and I fell out after a bit of convoluted drama with his new girlfriend Grace, who turned out to be married to another guy. He accused me of being obsessive and I ended up moving out. As for shitty ex-husband, divorce is all wrapped up (jeez, total pain in the ass!) and we met up again. Unfortunately at this point in my life I was miserable, while he'd just gotten engaged and decided to indirectly rub it all in my face. Totally sucked. But then I met Chase, my new partner and dare I say the absolute love of my life, with the greatest energy I've ever beheld. So now things are great, so many ups and downs after so many years, but I've grown as a person :-)
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