AITAH for getting pregnant the same year as my best friend's wedding?

hi everyone. I'm posting because I'm truly confused right now and trying to understand if I really am in the wrong here. My husband and family say I'm not, but my best friend is ending our friendship over this, so I'm trying to figure out if maybe I really am the person who fucked up here? I'm sorry if this is long! I'll put a TLDR at the bottom.

My best friend (31F) and I (31F) have been best friends for over 12 years, since we were 19 and roommates in college. She lives 1300 miles away from me, so most of our friendship has been long distance, minus the year we lived together in college. My best friend has been my best friend thru some heavy fucking shit on both of our sides and we've always been there for each other. She helped me when I was 20 get out of an abusive home and a few years ago when I was so severely depressed I had to go to in-patient treatment, and I've been there for her through every breakup (friends and partners), her dad nearly dying of Covid, her pets dying, etc. To say we have been there for each other through it all would be an understatement, at least in my eyes. We're also not the same 19-year-old children that we were when we first met.

She has done some things that I've been upset about, but kind of moved on from. For example, when I was turning 30, I planned a trip to Disney World to celebrate (Disney is a particularly special place for us both) with my family. Her birthday is exactly 7 days before mine and I technically was flying into Disney World on her birthday, but not going into the park. We had no plans at all to see each other on each other's birthdays. When I told her months prior that I was going to go to Disney for my 30th birthday, she cried and basically ghosted me for a couple days while she had a meltdown because she couldn't handle me going to Disney on HER birthday while she didn't have the ability to go. So her and her now-fiance, then-partner, decided that the only way she could be ok with this was to max out a credit card and go themselves. So they went 6 months-ish before my trip with my husband and that's where they got engaged. This was almost 2 years ago now. When this happened I was super confused and kind of upset, because in my mind I didn't understand why I couldn't go to Disney and her not freak out about it. But she went to the parks before me and I didn't care and if that's what she needed to do to process, then whatever. I just left it and we went back to normal.

We had a moment when I lost my job about a year ago where, truthfully, I became very suicidal and negative and trauma dumped too much to her. This strained our friendship, and rightfully so, and after apologizing and doing some therapy work, we got back to normal again. This is to say, I've not been perfect in my friendship with her but I believe I've always been thoughtful to account for when I've fucked up because I'm human and we all do. I'm now in a far better place mentally and this hasn't been an issue in over a year, and thankfully I've been doing more therapy treatments to manage my depression and anxiety and have been far healthier in my life and with my loved ones.

Now to the situation at hand. I've been married to my husband for nearly 7 years. She was my maid of honor. I have always wanted to have children, and my best friend knew this. She has never and still never wants to have children, and that's ok. My husband and I tried for children about a year or two ago and then I lost my job so we stopped trying. Then I got a new job and things were more stable and so we finally decided to go off birth control and try for a baby in October of 2024. Again, she knew this. I also live in a state where abortion is completely illegal, she does not. My husband and I have always wanted two kids, though we'll be ok with one if pregnancy is too difficult for me. Obviously I know women have children past 35, but the risks get higher, and being in a state where my ability to get a medically necessary abortion isn't possible, we didn't want to have children past 35 if we could help it. So the plan was to start trying for children now since I'm already 31.

Like mentioned earlier, my best friend has been engaged for almost two years. It'll be 2.5 years by the time they get married this year. I am (was) her maid of honor for her wedding, like she was for mine.

Well, on Jan 2, I found out I was pregnant and my husband and I were so happy. I told my sister and then told my best friend, because I figured if the worst situation were to happen, it's my sister and best friend that'll be there for me. When she answered the phone, the first thing she said was "so... when are you due?" and started talking about her wedding and if I'd still be pregnant by then. My due date was supposed to be 6ish weeks prior to her wedding. I could tell immediately in this call that she was upset that i was pregnant and I have a lot of trauma in my life and deal with that by people pleasing. I could tell she was upset and I tried placating her and saying how I knew the timing wasn't ideal and I didn't want to have a child in September either because there were so many birthdays in my family in that month, and basically just tried to convince her that it would be ok and even asked her if she was mad at me because I know her and I knew she was.

Anyway, after that phone call she basically ghosted me for 4 days, didn't answer my texts and basically just replied the bare minimum. Finally four days later, she tells me to call her so we can talk and then I spend an hour and a half coddling her and telling her I do not plan to miss her wedding and that this doesn't change anything, the only thing that would change is that I would have to wear post-partum diapers under my dress. We aren't drinkers and weren't planning a Vegas rager for her bachelorette and so I didn't see how me being pregnant for that and having a new baby by the time she was married would affect much of anything. We also have a strong family system, so we knew that we could have family watch the baby or god forbid fly up there and stay with the baby so I could be there for my best friend at her wedding. Like I said, there was no intention to miss it and I had to practically beg her to understand this and apologize for adding a 'wrench' into their wedding plans.

The next day, on the literal anniversary of our friendship, she texts me saying she wants to do another follow up call with me about it because apparently she was ok and now her fiance just couldn't handle this still and she wanted me to basically talk him down and talk through it like I did with her. I didn't want to do this. Her entire reaction was difficult and stressful and I didn't want to spend another hour and a half coddling her fiance, who while i'm friends with, is not my best friend. I basically said, I'm not sure what i can say at this point to him that I haven't already said to you.

She then told me that she didn't feel like my husband and I considered her wedding being in 10 months when we decided to 'go for it' and that I wasn't being realistic with her about being able to be at her wedding and that 2025 is a big year and that people automatically think a pregnancy is more important than a wedding and she didn't want people to only focus on me and not her. Basically, 2025 is supposed to be her year and now that I'm pregnant, that makes this year not all about her and puts her wedding in jeapordy somehow. I truly do not understand this, as we don't share friend and family groups, and I would never expect her to pause her life the year I have a major life event so this really upset me that she basically expected me to put my life on pause for a year so only her and her fiance could have 2025...

I told her this in my reply, that her reaction had made me regret telling her about the pregnancy and honestly, getting pregnant in the first place. And that i live in a state where it's dangerous to be a woman and it's not fair to expect me to put my life on pause for her wedding. I told her that best friends share life events all the time, especially in their 30s. They get married and have kids and change jobs and move and get divorced, etc all at the same time and it doesn't negate or take away from each other and it's ok to both be able to celebrate each other this year, it doesn't take away each other's shine.

She told me she needed to process this and couldn't respond yet. I said that's ok, give it some time and I'll be there.

Two days later, I miscarry. This was one of the worst fucking experiences of my life and I'm still not over it. I cry thinking about the baby I lost and the fear that I'll never have a baby or a family in the future two weeks later. It's a wound I'm sure I'll always carry around. I texted her at 4 am when i was miscarrying telling her I was pretty sure that was what was happening but that i didn't want to talk about it. Really, I didn't want to talk about it with her - after her response to the news in the first place, I didn't trust talking to her about it and what she would say. I probably shouldn't have even said anything, to be honest, but I'm bleeding heavily in the bathroom in the middle of the night and I texted my best friend to let her know.

She doesn't text me back until 2:30 the next day and sends a pretty generic text, in my mind, basically saying "I didn't know what to say, if you think this is happening then I'm sorry". I didn't respond. I didn't respond to most people that day, I was actively bleeding and crying and scared for myself, my baby, and my health. She never checked in again. She didn't send me a text later to see if I was ok, how i was doing, if it was confirmed, if my husband (who is also her friend) was ok, nothing. Just the one generic "if that's what's happening then I'm sorry" and that's it.

Three days later, I go to the OB who does an ultrasound and confirms that I did lose the baby. I shared on my socials that I went through a miscarriage. I have always, for ten years, shared on my social media when I'm not ok. When I went through treatment, I shared. I've always shared. It's not for her and wasn't about her, it was about me and being honest with what happened and showing it's not something to be ashamed of. She saw my post (you can see who's seen your stories) but again, no texts or calls or anything to check in on me. Nothing.

Now to today, it's been over 2 weeks where she hasn't said a word to me at all. We went from talking literally every single day for 12 years to her ghosting me completely for two weeks while i'm actively going through the worst thing in my life. Today I sent a text basically saying "hey I don't know what's going on but your not saying anything for two weeks has been upsetting me. I gave you time to figure out a response and i'm confused why it's taken this long, but I'll be here when you're ready". Then I got these texts... now i'm just so fucking confused. I don't know what she means when she says I've manipulated her, that I've love bombed her (by coddling her about my pregnancy to get her to calm the f down???), or that I'm always the victim and she's the bad guy. I'm truly so confused and mad, am I manipulating? Was I wrong for getting pregnant in the first place? Should i have kept this a secret? I really don't know what I did wrong and i feel like I need some third party voices to help me see the truth. AITAH??

TLDR: My best friend of 12 years is getting married this year after being engaged for two years, I was supposed to be her maid of honor. i'm in my 30s and married for 7 years and live in a non-abortion state, so my husband and I started trying for a family and got pregant (due before her wedding date) and she is upset that we didn't consider her wedding and that 2025 is the year of her wedding before getting pregnant. I miscarry the baby and she isn't there for me and I'm upset by her ghosting me, she tells me that I'm manipulative and selfish and I'm in the wrong for not wanting to talk her fiance down from the anxiety of throwing a 'wrench' in their wedding plans this year. AITAH??

Texts in question from today: https://imgur.com/a/KOX9nhs